God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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