Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
