Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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