I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
