Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
