Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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