oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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