She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
