So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
