She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
