these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
