I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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