omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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