Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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