Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
