im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
