but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
