that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
