If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
