Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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