The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
