I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
