i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
