Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Congratulations! We have a period
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
