Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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