how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
