you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
