so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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