You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
