I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize