And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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