So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
