A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
