What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
