Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
