the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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