so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
