You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
