I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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