her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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