when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
