no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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