May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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