hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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