I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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