Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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