I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
