Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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