I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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