I hate all girls vehemently.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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