i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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