okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
