I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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