cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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