What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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