Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
