I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
