I need help removing her.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize