every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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