Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
