i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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