A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They took my balls.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
