Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
