I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
