She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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