My underwear smells like fireworks.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
