Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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