whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
