This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
