I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you made out with another girl for some wings
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
