just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
