so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You ruined the universe
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
