at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
send nudes
from the living room?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
